TALKING SHOP: Mark Caffrey – Wedding & Naming Celebrant
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- February 26, 2025
In 2015, Mark Caffrey’s close friend asked him, out of the blue, to be the celebrant at her wedding. “I didn’t even really know what a celebrant was!” he says. “But I said yes straight away. It was a lovely thing to be trusted to do. I asked if she wanted me to find a script and she said, ‘I’d like you to just tell the story of us’ so that’s what we did. It was a powerful experience, but not one I thought I’d repeat.”
Fast-forward almost a decade and Mark is recounting his celebrant origin story in the snug at The Crown on a chilly Thursday afternoon, his Cypriot rescue dog Olive by his side. The Irishman has been a Hastings resident for four years now, after moving down from London with his partner, who he met at the Jack in the Green celebrations eight years ago. And he is now a fully trained humanist celebrant, performing non-religious wedding ceremonies across London, Kent and Sussex.
“Every year around my friend’s wedding anniversary, she’d say, ‘Have you looked into training as a celebrant yet?’” he continues. “But at the time I was working full-time in the charity sector. Then it got to 2020 and I was coming up to my 40th birthday – I had this list of things I still wanted to do. So I found a humanist training provider. From then it all felt really natural.”
So what exactly is a celebrant? To legally marry in England, couples can choose a religious institution, a registry office, or opt for a council-appointed celebrant registrar at a licensed venue. A humanist or independent celebrant can’t legally marry a couple, but that makes them an ideal choice for those who want a ceremony that feels more bespoke and personal, free from legal scripts or documentation. It also means Mark can perform a wedding ceremony anywhere. “We’ve had a wedding in someone’s granny’s garden,” he says. “In places like vineyards or woodlands, someone had their wedding at their favourite pub! I have one coming up at the Barbican. There’s total freedom. And when a couple is really determined to work their personal interests into the ceremony that’s always a lot of fun.”
Mark has presided over a surprise wedding where the guests believed they were attending a family BBQ, all put together in six weeks while the couple were in Australia. Mark posed as an old backpacking buddy before doing the big reveal.
He had a couple whose ceremony took the form of mixing a cocktail, adding a promise with each ingredient, which ended with Mark presenting them each with a margarita.
“A recent ceremony at the Observer Building was like a gig!” Mark says. “A couple who are involved in the music industry wanted a festival feel: lanyards on arrival, loads of music references, guests signing a vinyl of the couple’s favourite record as a memento. It ended in an epic live gig from one of their favourite bands.”
Mark preserves the warm, personal approach that made that first wedding so meaningful by spending months getting to know the couples he works with, ensuring each ceremony feels centred on them. If you book Mark for your wedding, you’ll end up feeling like you’ve invited your newest friend. “We get to know each other really well,” he says. “The ceremony can have real depth to it, because I’m listening deeply. I’ll pick up on little things they say, then weave that into a ceremony script that is really true to them. When you’re putting that much trust and that much of yourself into something, you can’t help but forge a connection. There’s a real authenticity to it.”
Authenticity is important for Mark. “I’ve always tried to make sure any jobs I take on are as close to my interests as they can be,” he says. And, chatting to him, it’s clear celebrancy offers the perfect marriage of the skills and beliefs he’s built over decades.
Originally from County Armagh, where he lived in “the Milton Keynes of Northern Ireland”, Mark grew up as a gay, atheist boy in a culturally Catholic household during the Troubles. “There was such an intense focus on sectarianism, you were either Catholic or Protestant,” he says. “Then there was the attitude towards gay people. Having grown up as a gay boy at a time when there was such hostility and discrimination around sexual orientation, for me as a celebrant now, it’s about centring the couple whatever their identity. For some of my couples, it’s really important to recognise that they wouldn’t have been able to have a ceremony or be legally married a decade ago. That’s something that we can’t lose sight of. And people whose identities are constantly questioned by those who don’t share the lived experience, like trans and non-binary people.”
A desire to escape the strictures of this childhood instilled in Mark a wanderlust which saw him move first to Belfast, and then further afield – Paris, Chicago, London – to pursue his love of the arts. Mark went from training in theatre – acting and writing – to directing, and helping people develop their own scripts. Then he moved into live art and performance. Mark has done everything from performing Shakespeare to coaching French presenters on their English accents, and creating live art pieces with American strangers, asking them to accompany him on a silent walk around a city before sitting down together to discuss it. “That’s my love of story, which is the thread through everything I do,” he says. “I love sharing experiences, understanding how people experience things differently. And I think one of the things that I really love about celebrancy is there’s a lot of similarities with live art and performance, where things often only happen once. There might be a framework, but it’s live, and that’s the same as a ceremony; it’s scripted, but it’s unique. We all know we’re witnessing a one-off. For me, that’s where the electricity is.”
Finding and working with a celebrant is a relationship of its own, and who Mark is plays an important part in every couple’s choice. A couple usually starts with a celebrant version of speed dating, having conversations with a few to find the best fit. “By the time most couples are contacting me, they’re pretty sure of who I am,” says Mark. “Some people might be looking for an LGBTQ+ celebrant, or a non-religious celebrant. Some are looking for something a bit more creative.”
The bond starts to develop once a couple has chosen Mark, usually around nine months ahead of the big day. And these relationships always end in a unique wedding. “It’s important to have time to work with each couple,” Mark says. “Otherwise I wouldn’t have the connection, which would take the joy out of it for me. It’s really important that my ceremonies feel relaxed, inclusive and welcoming. I get a nervous excitement before a ceremony, because the only people who know what’s going to happen are you and the couple. The couple can relax and listen to it, watch their guests’ reactions. It’s like a gift to themselves.”
Mark and his partner aren’t married, but he says they’ve discussed it – and he can’t resist talking options when the subject arises. “People’s ‘must haves’ when it comes to weddings, I find fascinating,” he says. “Personally I like the idea of winter wedding, or a wedding at night. Working in the industry has also taught me the power of choosing your wedding supplier team really well, so everyone’s 100 per cent there for the couple on the day.”
If he were to opt to tie the knot, he could presumably organise the wedding in minutes, with a dream-team of likeminded wedding professionals he’s met along the way. Many of these introductions have happened not at weddings, but through activism, as Mark uses his platform as a celebrant to push for change. “There are groups of wedding professionals, photographers, planners, who care about social justice issues,” he says. “For example, I am part of the Members of the Wedding Industry for Palestine. For us, working in an industry that’s all about love, the silence around Palestine was maddening. We come together around activism goals like marriage equality, trying to effect change in what is still a really white, heteronormative industry.”
Mark has worked in the charity sector for many years and continues to do so as a consultant, with a focus on amplifying marginalised voices. “I also donate a part of my celebrancy fees to community-led, LGBTQ+ charities,” he says. “It all goes back to being afraid to be myself growing up. Then realising the power of what happens when you’re able to find ways to support and elevate each other.”
It’s another example of the different parts of Mark’s life intertwining, though it isn’t down to luck. Mark has shaped this role as he has all of his others. And, in essence, that comes down to one thing, something that draws couples to Mark who often end up becoming his friends for life. “I tend to attract couples who are very kind-hearted,” says Mark, smiling as he strokes Olive, who’s now curled up in his lap. “Yeah, my ceremonies are always full of heart.”
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